Soul Dance Revolution
by Kiroku Ookami
Summary: When Ichigo introduces DDRMAX2 to the Seireitei, all hell breaks loose. This is my first piece, so constructive criticism and advice is helpful. Thanks to TouchofPixieDust for the inspiration to start this story. DISCONTINUED:READ CH5 AUTHOR'S NOTE.
1. Rukia

With a jolt of fear, Rukia flew off in pursuit, heading towards the Kurosaki clinic. She had been running patrols through downtown Karakura when Ichigo's spiritual presence suddenly vanished.

Rukia burst through the front door, skidding to a stop in the living room. Ichigo lay in a heap in front of the TV, painfully twisted around a silver mat. The TV was on mute, showing a flaming logo that read "DDRMAX2". Every few seconds, an animated person appeared onscreen.

Kneeling beside him, she pressed her hands to his neck. His heart thumped lethargically before pounding out a rapid tempo. Almost instantly, he began to stir.

"Ichigo!" Rukia exclaimed as he blinked wearily. Grasping her hand, he slowly pulled himself upright. "Where are you wounded?" she asked as she worked to untangle him from the mat.

"I'm fine," he moaned.

"No, you're not! Who did this to you?" Rukia demanded.

"Dance," Ichigo gasped. "Dance…Dance…Revolution," he choked out, slumping back onto the floor. The poor guy was out cold again, so Rukia decided to let him rest for a while.

With tremendous effort, she pulled the snoring teenager onto the couch. "Dance Dance Revolution," she muttered. "Who is Dance Dance Revolution?"

* * *

_Twenty minutes later..._

"Dance Dance Revolution, or DDRMAX2, is a video game," Ichigo explained. Rukia pressed a cold compress to his forehead while he lay on the couch and told her what happened. "I told you about video games, right?" She nodded. "So in DDR, I had to step on the pad-" gesturing to the mat-"and match my footsteps to the game."

"I'm lost." Rukia said. "What do you mean?"

"Well-here, I can't really explain it. Look at the screen." Rukia watched as arrows appearing from the bottom of the screen floated upwards, where they disappeared. "So, basically, you have to step on the pad when the arrows hit? Like this? As a double vertical arrow appeared, she rammed repeatedly on the down button with her foot.

Astonished, Ichigo watched as Rukia adeptly jumped over the pad, hitting every note with ease. "Geez, Rukia. Have you played this before?"

"No, but it seems pretty easy," Rukia commented, unaware that she was already on Standard mode. "Have you tried using the flash step?"

Ichigo was rendered speechless. He mentally kicked himself for not seeing such an obvious idea. "You've got a point."

"Told you." Rukia smirked.

"Shut up."

"Hey, maybe you should get Renji to play."

"Why?"

"He's faster than I am."


	2. Renji?

Chapter 2: Renji...?

* * *

The next day, Rukia demanded that she was given the chance to show her off her DDR skills to their friends. Of course, Renji, being the impatient one that he was, wanted to try playing after her, so…

As Ichigo tried to instruct him, Renji nearly set Zabimaru to the TV when the electronic monitor read "FAIL. YOU SUCK." after each attempt.

"…So you just step on the thing? Like this?" Renji stomped on the delicate pad, tearing a hole through the fabric and foam lining. Rukia and Orihime winced. Uryu and Chad snickered.

"Not that hard, you moron!" Ichigo yelled. What the hell is your problem? Haven't you ever heard of being careful with other people's junk?" He punched Renji in the chest, and Renji staggered back, hollering, "I'm a moron? Who's the dumb ass who tried to kill himself yesterday with a freaking rug?" Inevitably, the two attacked each other in front of the TV as Rukia sat back and sighed.

"Jeez. They're so high strung." Orihime, Uryu, and Chad nodded.

"WHO'S HIGH STRUNG?" Ichigo roared, avoiding a swift uppercut.

"You are, carrot head!" Renji shot back, ducking as Ichigo swiped at his head.

"Fire hydrant!"

"Bastard!"

"Dumbass!"

"Retard!"

"Isn't it amazing how quickly Renji has acclimated to the world of the living? He's able to use blue-collar insults in retaliation to Ichigo's sharp remarks," Uryu said sarcastically.

"Shut it, tampon suit, or you're next!" Renji snarled.

"MY SUIT DOES NOT RESEMBLE A TAMPON!"

"Yes it does! It looks like that one Chappy magazine Ichigo lent me!" Renji remarked.

"Chappy? Why haven't you told me, Ichigo? I love Chappy!" Rukia squealed.

Renji and Ichigo paused, and Ichigo hissed, "Idiot! I told you not to mention that!"

"What's the magazine name?" Rukia asked.

"Oh, Playboy."

***SMACK***

"Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"YOU DUMBASS! THAT WAS A SECRET!"

"PLAYBOY?" four voices shouted.

"Um…since when does Renji read Playboy?" Orihime asked nervously.

"Why are we even having this conversation?" Chad added.

Rukia turned to Ichigo, her cheeks flaming. "I can't believe you'd even sink that low. Don't the words 'female degradation' mean anything to you?"

"First Renji's a tampon expert, now Rukia's a feminist?" Uryu queried. "Wow, this author's really lost her marbles.

* * *

So, I tried out a beginning for chapter 2, and it got kind of out of hand. I'm new, like I've said before, so editing is becoming an arduous task. Therefore, to give you something to laugh at, I just decided to post this guy.

!Adios!

~Kiroku Ookami~


	3. Renji

My apologies for the wait. Sorry to break your heart, but read the author's note at the end.

And yes, I do (not) own Bleach.

* * *

As Renji set down the fork, he burped loudly. "Ya know, I figured you would try to poison me or something, but damn, Ichigo! This crap is great!"

"I'd say thanks if you hadn't eaten all of that _crap_," Ichigo growled. This really sucked. Yesterday Rukia had to have seen him draped over that TV like some weak stuffed animal-no pun intended-and had to have taken care of him while he was half-dead. Then, today, for some reason, she was extra moody. After he burnt the rice in an attempt to make lunch for the two of them, they fought for another three hours. To cap it off, Renji decided to stop by the house, figuring that he'd mooched off of Urahara enough for the time being. So now Ichigo had to provide for two annoying Shinigami.

And of course, today was a rainy day.

He thanked the gods above that his family was on vacation for another month.

Since the fight was technically his fault, Ichigo tried to make amends by buying Rukia a cheesecake with Chappy on it.

Which Renji promptly devoured.

"What's the big deal? It was just a cake. And why the hell are you in such a foul mood?" Renji asked.

"Let's see, some guy who I thought already had a place to stay barges in here and eats my cake. No, I really don't see how that would annoy me off at all," retorted Ichigo. "I was going to say sorry to Rukia with that!"

"But why with a cake? Couldn't you just say sorry? Well, you've really pissed her off," Renji replied offhandedly. Suddenly, he grinned. "Wait a minute…you're being all moody over a dumb cake because you've got the hots for her! Holy shit!" He guffawed loudly.

"What the-no, you dumbass!" Ichigo went crimson, punching Renji in the arm. "You moron, I'm just cheering her up!" Renji was still chortling. "Shut up!" he yelled.

"Oh? Then why are you so worked up? If you really didn't care for Rukia, then you wouldn't be all pissy like you are now. Wait till I tell Rangiku about this! She'll tell the whole Seireitei and ol' Captain Kuchiki's gonna hunt down your sorry ass! Maybe I should invite her over right now!"

"You sure as hell better not! You tell her, and I'll tell her about your crush on Hinamori!" Ichigo yelled back.

Renji looked confused. "What the hell? I would never throw Zabimaru at her."

"No, you moron! You've 'got the hots for her,' and I'm gonna tell Matsumoto about it!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY, ASSHOLE!"

"So you do like her!"

"Who says I do?"

"Prove it!"

"I'll fight you for it!"

"Bring it on!"

"Not in here!"

"Why the hell not?"

"JUST FIGHT AND SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!" a loud and rather feminine voice yelled.

Both men froze.

"Oh…shit. How long have you been awake?" Ichigo said tentatively.

A rumpled-looking Rukia emerged from the bedroom, grumbling, "About the time one of you two yelled, 'Over my dead body, asshole.' And what girl are you guys yelling about anyways?"

"Uh, no one!" both boys yelled in unison. "No one?" they yelled again.

"Why don't you just do that dance thingy to fight? I'm kinda sick of your shitty duels," Rukia sleepily snapped.

Ichigo recoiled from the anger in her voice. "Rukia…I'm sorry…" he began.

"And maybe I'll forgive you if the two of you shut up and let me rest." With that, she ambled back to the bedroom.

An awkward silence filled the air. "So…what's this dance thingy Rukia's talking about?" Renji started.

Ichigo started to explain the concept of DDR to Renji, hoping to Kami that he wouldn't have to kill himself again.

* * *

Three hours later, Rukia awoke again. Strange, she thought. I can't hear Ichigo or Renji. What happened?

She went out into the living room again to find Renji and Ichigo in the most provocative position: both boys lying asleep, one on top of the other, with arms and limbs entangled.

"Did you two get around to actually dancing, or did you just have sex?" she asked the boys. For the second time in two days, Ichigo stirred after another exhausting DDR session. He took one bleary look at Rukia, then wondered what the weight on his chest was.

"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME, GAYBO!"

* * *

I am slightly obsessed with the manga. Only slightly.

Episode 152 (Or is it 53?)

"I, Arrancar Ciento Tres, will crush you!"

"...

You're a celery tray?"

* * *

*

*

*

Hey, you awesome readers!

I am sorry to say that I can't go anywhere with this story, so I won't continue it. However, I am offering Soul Dance Revolution to anyone who can write a good fanfic. If you'd like to take my story and finish it, send me a personal message. Thanks!

~Kiroku~


End file.
